Thursday, November 22, 2007

My Top Ten Sexiest Movie Scenes

I saw Beowulf this past weekend. Didn't have a lot of expectations because after all, it was computer generated


day-yum, those were some good looking digital characters. (Waaaaaaay better looking than Shrek and Fiona on bath day.) On top of an interesting story line, fast-paced action and a great message, Beowulf contained one of the sexiest scenes I have seen in a long time. I could barely contain my excitement when I heard that the movie can also be viewed in 3-D. 3-D! You gotta love technology.

So, after my hormones calmed down, I decided to make a list of my top nine sexiest movie scenes of all time. (Why nine? It's late and I want to get to bed) They are in no particular order; I could barely decide on nine so putting them in some sort of rank would require too much effort.

Here you are, you horn dogs, but beware, there may be SPOILERS.

Beowulf Grendel's mother, played by Angelina Jolie, has to be the sexiest MILF since we were introduced to Stifler's mom in American Pie. We hear the exotic purr of her voice early in the movie but we have to wait until the midpoint to see her emerge naked from a shimmering pool of water. Although Beowulf has come to kill her, with that kind of reception, he quickly changes his mind. Can you blame the guy? She's dripping with liquid gold and caresses his large phallic sword for godsakes! Unfortunately, the offspring of this blissful reunion isn't quite as attractive as his god-like parents.

Beowulf [Blu-ray]

Leaving Las Vegas You might think that this "love story" between a beat-up hooker and a suicidal drunk is as sexy as a bad hangover, but it contains a scene which tender, romantic and erotic. Sera, played by Elizabeth Shue invites Ben to go out to a desert motel to escape the dreariness of their Las Vegas lives. With the jazzy vocals of Sting and Don Henley floating in the background, they share a slo-mo kiss underwater which progresses to a make-out session by the pool. Sera pulls down her bathing suit top, dribbles whiskey down her naked breasts which Ben, the waste-not want-not drunk, gratefully licks up. It's a beautiful scene which depicts how their love for each other is based on getting their own needs accepted. Unfortunately for them, just moments later, everything literally comes crashing down.

Leaving Las Vegas

Betty Blue If you have ever seen this French masterpiece by Jean-Jacques Beineix, I think you'll agree that the movie has it's unforgettable moments but the opening seen is the sexiest. The camera slowly pans in on an attractive naked couple as they writhe and groan and climax simultaneously. It's a graphic scene even by French standards and the topper is the the first line of voice-over, "I had only known Betty for one week". Such passion (and nudity) is displayed throughout the film but, true to it's French cinematic roots, it wasn't going to last forever.

Betty Blue (Unrated Director's Cut)

Monster This may be an unconventional choice but the make-out scene outside the roller-rink between the bull-dyke Aileen (played brilliantly by Charlize Theron) and the schoolboyish Selby (played by Christina Ricci) gets my vote for the hottest lesbian scene. Okay, these characters aren't attractive (see Neve Campbell and Denise Richard's scene in Wild Things if you care about such things) but the emotions are so raw and desperate that the scene transcends Aileen's and Selby's, well, fugliness. The pounding soundtrack, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'", only makes it better.


Body Heat This Lawrence Kasdan scorcher has all the ingredients for a great film noir; a shady lawyer, a femme fatale and a rich husband who is "in the way". There are many great scenes but my favorite has to be at the husband's house after Mattie invites the lawyer to come view her wind chimes and "that's all". The husband is out of town, of course, and Mattie dangles the possibility of sex in front of the lawyer but just as quickly, yanks it away. She finally dismisses him by saying, "I'm weak", kisses him and shuts the door. But she doesn't move. She just stands there in the hall, staring out. The lawyer, like a tiger going after its prey, reads between the lines, realizes that she does want it after all, smashes through the window and lays her right there on the carpet. Bonus points for Kathleen Turner's incredible body and sultry voice and William Hurt's oily swagger.

Body Heat (Deluxe Edition)

Mr. and Mrs. Smith Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as (improbable) husband-wife assassins turned up the thermostat, but audiences got the special treat of seeing Angelina dressed up in full dominatrix gear whipping a hand-cuffed half-naked man. Sure, the scene didn't have a lot to do with the plot but those three minutes probably improved the box office gross by 20 or 30 million. The whipped guy looked like he enjoyed it as much as we did, until, well, his neck was snapped by Miss Nasty. But at least he died happy. Honorable mention is the scene where Angelina and Brad try to kill each other and then have crazy sex on the floor. Nothing like attempted murder to increase the libido!

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Widescreen Edition)

Rules of Attraction A very un-pc choice in a dark, angst-filled movie but it made me a fan of Jessica Biel forever. She dances in her lavender bra and panties down a college hallway, blitzed out of her mind, swinging bottles of alcohol in each hand and disappears into a dorm room surrounded by football players. Paaaaaaar-tay! The voice-over says "I"m told that after I left Camden, she got really drunk, went wandering through Wyndham house and did the whole football team." Jessica's 7th Heaven family would not be proud, but I, for one, am glad that she took one (or several) for the team.

The Rules of Attraction

Flashdance Whatever happened to the break-out star of 1983, Jennifer Beals? With her wide-eyed innocence and her tough interior, did it really matter if she didn't do all her own dancing? In one of the earlier scenes, we see Miss Beals strut her stuff in a business suit and high heels on a very shiny-stage as the song "He's a Dream" plays in the background. As her (clueless) boss watches and salivates, she kicks up the heat and strips down to her lingerie and finally douses the flames by pulling on a cord which soaks her stream-lined back-lit body. Like most of the above movies, Flashdance had its share of smaller erotic moments and in hope that life will imitate art, I'm still waiting for someone to stick their foot into my groin during a meal in a fancy restaurant.


Blue Velvet You never know what you'll get with David Lynch but after seeing Blue Velvet many years ago, it has stuck with me like a strange nightmare. It's hard to sum up this movie because the tone seems to be more important than the actual plot, but it involves an innocent teenager who gets caught up in the seedy underbelly of a beautiful torch singer's life. The first time they meet each other, he gets caught in her apartment and she forces him to get undressed at knife point. (erotic) Then she gets raped by a crazy gas-huffing mama's boy while the teenager watches from a closet. (not erotic). After the mama's boy leaves, the teenager consoles her by holding her wounded body and she allows him to touch her breast and nipple. (erotic) She then wants him to beat her. (not erotic). He rushes out of the apartment as she whispers "help me". (not erotic; a little pathetic). It's a bizarre ride but if that's what you're in the mood for on a Saturday night, then this quaint family pic will do the trick.

Blue Velvet (Special Edition)

Okay, so there's nine. Maybe tomorrow I'll think of number ten.

Sweet dreams.

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