iPhone Ap of the Day: Lingopal

The iPhone is a pretty cool piece of equipment. If you have one, you know what I'm talking about and probably have it within 2 feet of you right now.

The best part of this "phone" is how much other crap it can do. Someday I'm sure it will iron my clothes and do my grocery shopping but for now, I am quite happy that it can arrange my schedule and play my iTunes. I am also happy that it is teaching me how to speak Korean.

I really have no need to learn Korean. I don't think I'll be taking a trip to Korea anytime soon. My sister-in-law is Korean but I think we would understand each other a lot better if we conversed in English. The only reason why I'm trying to learn Korean is because I can.

And there is an ap for that.

Lingopal (Korean version) is just the thing I needed. Not only is it free but it has a ton of useful phrases such as "Your country is very beautiful" and "The people from your country are wonderful!" and the very practical "Do you mind if I hang out here until it's safe back where I farted?"

That is what is so great about Lingopal. It goes above and beyond the regular phrases. Here are some of my favorite phrases for which they supply the Korean equivalent:

I know I'm not Jesus but I'm still pretty good.

This is a condom. If we put it on, we can sleep together.

Your cheeks are especially beautiful. I have a weakness for cheeks.

I wonder if you are a gentle lover or a tiger. Growl for me.

It's unusual but since I met you, my trousers feel tighter.

And if you are feeling sexually adventurous ...

I want to kiss you and take a dump on your chest.

But if things don't work out with the ladies in this strange land, you can also give them a few parting shots ...

You're a bitch.

Eat the peanuts out of my shit.

Your mother fucks for fish-heads down at the docks.

And how about this one ...

Suck my dick and wash my car.

Of course, this phrase could create a lot of confusion. Are you requesting that she suck your dick while she washes the car (which could be prove difficult but still possible) or do you want her to suck your dick and then she go wash the car (while you go watch tv or drink Korean beer or something)? Since you are in a foreign country, I suppose there is always room for negotiation.

The only problem I have with this ap is that the Korean speakers say the phrases way too fast and I have a very difficult time repeating what they say. For example, when I try to say, "I can tell you are very experienced", I am very afraid that I might be saying, "If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted."

I've got to find a Korean friend and try all this out. I am determined not to embarrass myself when I finally get to Seoul.