A new iPhone on the way!

If you haven't heard, Apple is about to give birth to its newest baby. 

The iPhone 4!

I didn't used to be a tech geek but I am very excited about this sleek little instrument o' fun and when I heard that you can PRE-ORDER, I nearly crapped in my pants. 

Yes, I know I shouldn't get all sticky about a PHONE but you obviously have not heard what the new iPhone can do. 

Here is just a small list: 

• does laundry and cooks simple but healthy meals AT THE SAME TIME
• holds your hair back when you vomit in the toilet
• erases cellulite, shrinks pores and firms thighs
• orders pizza for your neighbors and then runs away
• does the watusi
• puts up paintings from relatives when they come to visit
• blames any gaseous emissions on the dog (and if there is no dog, then grandpa)
• designs a public profile for JDate.com
• takes one for the team
• fights for minority rights and eats dophin-safe tuna
• helps little old ladies cross the street
• pays for the beer on wing night
• turns off the iron when you go on vacation
• tickles Elmo
• finds out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
• reduces the California debt by smoking medical marijuana
• knows the difference between shit and shinola
• supports girl guides and their cookie racket
• lives to see another day
• reuses and recycles
• won't give up till the fat lady sings
• promotes world peace and the B'Nai B'rith organization
• tips 20%
• flashes single women in Central Park
• takes at least $100 out of your bank account every month

Yeah, I know.  The last one is a little worrisome but look at the other CRAP that this phone can do.  It's freakin' AMAZING. 

I can't wait to get one.  How much does it cost?  Oh heck, does it even MATTER? 


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear iPhone

I wish I could quit you. 

Sincerely,
Phil