Thursday, August 20, 2009

Mugshots for fun and thrills

The internet has opened up a whole new level of voyeuristic experiences!

Now you can check out who got arrested several thousand miles away in the Florida Keys. Here is a recent sampling of some of the criminals down south.

Why did I choose to pick on these deviant minds? Because if you have ever been to the Florida Keys, you know there are lots of crazies running around and the arrested ones are the best of the bunch.

First up, we have Shrek's wife Fiona on a bad day. She looks a bit miffed that she was arrested but that's what she gets for driving with a suspended license.

Next up, we have someone who is obviously pleased that she has a camera in front of her. Wide smile, curly hair, sparkling eyes. She doesn't care that the photo is for a mugshot. Oh wait, did I just see that her name is ...


This is Key West so that isn't too surprising.

OMG, they arrested SANTA CLAUS! I figured that jolly ol' Santa didn't spend his vacation time in the far north but I didn't know that he was a goddamn troublemaker. He got arrested for a municipal ordinance violation. Not sure what that means.

C'mon, give Santa a break and let him go. He's only got four months before he's got some work to do.

Does this guy look in the mirror? Does he think that the more hair he has the sexier he looks? Or is he trying to save money at Supercuts? I'm just not sure.

Doesn't this guy look like the central character in the Heaven's Gate cult? You know the guy ... he was in the press a couple of years ago and he made all his followers wear Nike sneakers and cover themselves in purple triangles before they all committed suicide.

This is further proof that a lot of people who you THINK are dead are probably just walking around somewhere. Key West is not a bad place to hide out. Sun, sand, and everyone is so drunk that even Obama in a bikini wouldn't be recognized.

I saved the scariest for last. This muthafucka is gonna kill you and all the people you know.

A big thanks to the police for rounding up these badasses!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Friday, August 14, 2009

Dusty the wonder dog

Dusty is the most amazing dog that has ever lived with me.

He was one of three Pekingese that I adopted after the owner passed away. At the time, he was eight years old and I never expected him to live this long. In January, he will be 17 years old. That is at least 200 in human years.

At this age, I wouldn’t expect much to work right and in Dusty’s case, nothing much does except for his nose which can detect McDonald’s french fries from a distance of at least 20 feet.

His kidneys are failing, he has a loud heart murmur, he only has one eye which is partially blind, and his teeth are not in good shape …

I would love to clean his teeth but I am convinced something very bad would happen to him under anesthesia.

His appetite is so-so despite being on an appetite stimulant. For months, he ate only eat chicken and rice and his kidney blood values went through the roof. I thought for sure he was not going to make it through the summer but all of a sudden, he developed a fondness for Prescription diet G/D and his blood values improved dramatically. Currently, he likes his G/D mixed with peanut butter. He likes this for now. Tomorrow, he might develop a complete aversion to it.

Last Saturday night, Dusty’s doomsday clock ticked a little closer to midnight. Late in the evening, he ruptured a disc in his back and he became acutely paralyzed in his hind end. I rushed him to my vet clinic and gave him opioids to help with the pain and steroids to help with the swelling. That night, he didn’t sleep. He sat up and cried. I don’t think he was painful; I think all the pain medicine made him completely loopy and he was seeing lots of pink elephants float by. Or maybe they were pink poodles. You hallucinate what you know.

Treating a ruptured disc with pills is always a difficult task. There are many dogs that don’t respond and either need a cart or sadly, need to be euthanized. Some dogs take weeks to respond and some only respond partially. The ideal treatment is surgery but of course, this wasn’t an option in Dusty’s case. On Sunday, I feared the worst because his reflexes were not showing any signs of improvement. I worried about the steroids putting even more pressure on his kidneys. I thought that Dusty was not going to make it to his 17th birthday.

Two days later, Dusty’s reflexes were almost normal. He was able to walk and despite his confinement, he tried to run. His attitude was great and even his appetite was pretty good. It was if the whole experience had not phased him in the least. To put it in human terms, this is pretty much like your 90 year old grandfather suffering a stroke and two days later good ol’ granddad wants to run in a marathon.

Thank God, I am his veterinarian. All these diagnostics and medicine do NOT come cheap but I get a discount.

This is the list of medications that he is on:

Prednisone for his back
Gabapentin for his back
Novifit for his cognitive dysfunction
Aluminum phosphate for his kidneys
Mirtazapine to stimulate his appetite
Pepcid to settle his stomach
Calcitriol for his kidneys
Vitamins for his anemia
Sodium chloride for his eye
Flurbiprofen for his eye
Fish oil for his arthritis

But Dusty pays it back in other ways. He loves to cuddle, although not always. Actually I make him cuddle. He sleeps in my bed sometimes but he tends to spread out and take up too much room. Most of the time, he prefers to sleep on the floor on top of dirty laundry.

I look at him and he makes me smile. He is just a little guy but he inspires me. No matter what is thrown at him, he just overcomes it. He never complains.

After reading all of the above, you might wonder if I’m “just keeping him going.” I assure you that his quality of life is still very good. He’s happy. And his life on earth is as good as it gets. I often think that he doesn’t want to die because he just isn’t convinced that heaven can be any better.

And I’m hoping that he won’t be convinced for a good long time to come.
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009 for dogs

Sax is a two year old Chihuahua that needs a home!

We currently have her at our clinic because of an upper respiratory infection but she is healthy in all other aspects.

She is a true sweetheart and very distinctive looking. She loves long walks on the beach, cozy fireplaces, sunsets that sink into the night and endless amounts of cuddling. She's really not into yoga and because she is spayed, she is no longer interested in making love at midnight.

If she sounds like the partner for you, then you should contact the Much Love rescue organization. You can check out their website at

She is a great little dog and won't be single for long ...

Monday, August 10, 2009

Aliens have landed

I met the cutest/strangest pet the other day.

She is only eight weeks old and is a member of the Sphinx breed. In other words, she is a completely hairless kitten.

I know all kittens and puppies are cute but this little girl is adorable.

(Being a guy, I try not to use the word adorable but for her, I can make an exception.)

She has a great little personality and seems very healthy. The owner is very dedicated to keeping her this way because Sphinx cats can have their problems, especially with their hairless skin. She will need very regular bathing to keep her dermis in top condition.

This is one breed you hope likes water!

I think Pug dogs and Sphinx cats are the closest things we have to visitors from outer space.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The morning after

I arrived at work this morning and came across the remains of a good party.
Three empty tequila bottle cartons and a gold sandal.
This obviously means a really drunk hooker stumbled home.

And she's probably pissed that she can't find her $12.95 Shoetopia special.

Posted by ShoZu

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Harry Potter and the mildly bored audience member

I went to see Harry Potter over the weekend.

I had HIGH hopes because a lot of people told me it was the best of the bunch. For me, that wasn’t saying much; the other movies were a little bland and they all seemed very much alike. Obviously, I’m not a fan of the Potter but I don’t hate him so off to the theater I went.

Fifteen minutes into the movie, I felt like I was watching the same old stuff AGAIN. Some magic, some stern professors, Harry finds out something that he shouldn’t, and that old threat, Voldemort was kicking up some dust. The only difference, it seemed, was that the angelic threesome was growing up and they were crazy with hormones. Hermione was jealous, Ron was breakin’ hearts and poor Harry was just trying to get it on with Ron’s sister. It was all a little too much high school at Hogwarts.

And so my mind wandered.

And these were the things I was thinking about …

How much money is Daniel Radcliffe getting for this movie? I wonder if he makes more money than the Queen ...

The producers were damn lucky that Daniel turned out to be a good looking guy. Some cute kid actors turn out to be ugly adults. Danny Bonaduce is an example that comes to mind. Haley Joel Osment has not fared any better.

Who cares about Quidditch? What does this have to do with the story anyway?

Hermione really does have good skin.

Maggie Smith was great in that old movie The Prime of Miss Jean Brody. Let me tell you, Maggie Smith is no longer in her prime but she isn’t afraid to show it.

Hogwarts reminds me a little too much of the Scottish boarding school that I attended when I was a kid. We didn’t have magic but we did have a headmaster who beat us.

You should really wash your face before dining if it is covered in blood.

Jim Broadbent is the best part of this movie.

Harry should snog that kooky blonde chick. Maybe Harry feels differently but that Lion King costume is really doing it for me.

How many more movies are there in this series?

Someone is going to die. Someone is going to die.

The trailer for Where The Wild Things Are looked um, interesting. I’m not sure if this is going to be a kid’s movie? I loved the book and if I looked hard enough, I probably could find it somewhere in my parent’s basement.

Why doesn’t Harry try and get it on with Hermione? Sure they act like brother and sister but that doesn’t appear to be stopping Ron from having semi-comatose fantasies about her.

Speaking of Ron … two women fighting over him? WTF? Do these women have cataracts?

This film is going on way too long and now we are stopping the story to hear a eulogy for a giant spider?

These theater seats really aren’t that comfortable.

The guy beside me is enjoying this way more than I am. He is laughing at the jokes. He has probably read all the books twice.

Why are there Gollums in this movie and where are they taking Harry? Middle Earth probably.

This is the saltiest popcorn I have ever tasted. My mouth tastes like the dead sea.

The horcrux is a pretty cool idea. Where do I find one and how much do they cost?

Someone died. The movie must be over soon. God, I hope this movie is over soon.

Daniel Radcliffe has three expressions; the surprised stare, the intense glare and smiling. Rupert Grint has one expression; dopey.

The end credits are pretty cool. I like the iodine look.

Now let’s get out of here!! Yahoo!