Sunday, December 30, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
This past weekend, we had our company holiday party or Christmas party for those people who prefer the apparently archaic term.
The kid who works in the kennel showed up in a new Porsche. I showed up in my ten year old beat-up Chrysler.
Okay, okay, so the car was his dad's.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Rejection is part of writing. Hollywood is especially good at giving out rejection. There is a big table but they don't want YOU (or me) to eat at it.
People tell me that I should be thick skinned. I shouldn't worry what other people think. It's only one person's opinion. Believe in myself. Keep a stiff upper lip. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I've always thought that what doesn't kill you leaves you pretty fucked up.
Rejection still hurts. It stings. I'm not a person boiling over in self-confidence so reading a scathing review of my latest screenplay took me down a couple of hard-earned notches.
The only way I deal with rejection is by getting it out in the open. Telling other people about it. Hearing their sad stories in return. It seems to take the bitter taste away. That's why I'm giving you a glimpse of what I had to read recently about my script.
"Premise is flimsy, plot development is awkward and problematic and ending is weak and disappointing."
"The humor is one note and is often more crude than it is funny."
"Jay, on the other hand, is not a particularly likeable or sympathetic character. He is clearly meant to be a “wild and crazy guy” type-character – saying and doing many wild things with an earthy, irreverent attitude. In execution, however, he comes across as being more crude and boorish than wild and crazy. "
"The rest of the characters are all well enough presented, although none of them are particularly well developed and thus come off as little more than “types.”
"What non-gay panic humor the script has -- which consists of some jokes about heterosexual sex and a lot of bodily function humor -- is more crude than it is funny. "
Say what? Bodily function humor isn't funny???
"The dialogue is serviceable, but as most of it serves to deliver the humor mentioned above, it suffers from the same problem in that it tends to be all rather stale and one-note."
"From a commercial point of view, the script is also problematic because, although its premise is different, it covers much of the same ground as the recent I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which may lessen its appeal to potential buyers."
Being compared to a movie which grossed over $100 million is a BAD thing??
And to top it off, I paid $200 for this priviledge. People have told me that I should never pay to have someone read my script and this was a good lesson to learn.
I would have felt marginally better if someone had hated it for free.
Onward and upward!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
I had the afternoon free today so I decided to increase my cultural awareness and see the Dali exhibit at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. (LACMA)
When I got there, they told me it was a MEMBERS ONLY day. It was kinda like showing up at a L.A. club, finding out about the velvet rope and being told I wasn't dressed right. The options were: Go to another museum (Folk Art or the Holocaust??) or sign up for a membership at the cost of $75.
Don't get me wrong. I love Dali. I even own a Dali but $75 is a meal at a good restaurant so I decided to see the next door attraction to the LACMA which is the LA BREA TAR PITS.
This was free but barely worth what I paid for it. There is tar. There is a big pit. Occasionally, it gurgles and belches. And, true to Hollywood, it even has a recreation of mammoths getting trapped in it.
The picture above is a recreation of the mother DYING as the father and their son watch helplessly. That is the description on the plaque. Mother is dying. Being sucked down into black goo for eternity or at least until someone excavates her.
I was worried that all the school children would be traumatized from this visual. But maybe they didn't care.
Children are so desensitized these days.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
This picture was taken a couple of years ago, when living in L.A. was a faraway dream.
This bottle of water was in my hotel room and I was in shock over the price of the damn water. $5.50? For water? You mean the clear, tasteless stuff that comes out of taps for free?
I hate to think what that same bottle of water costs now. $7? 10?
Complaining about the cost of living in L.A. is like complaining about the tornado season in Oklahoma. Everyone hates it but if you bitch too much about it, you're at risk for becoming boring. If you can't stand it anymore, accept it or move away. It's as simple as that.
But wait, this is a blog and the purpose IS to bitch AND to whine and probably be boring in the process so let me get my ya-yas out and tell you what it's like to be gouged on a daily basis.
A friend and I recently dined at an Italian restaurant at the Hollywood and Highland complex for LUNCH. It was a Saturday and for some reason, they told us that they don't serve (cheap?) sandwiches on the weekend so we opted for one of the specials. In my mind, a special means something that is CHEAPER than what you would expect; you know, blue plate special and the like. But in this case, there were no prices next to the specials and I told my friend that in L.A., if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. We decided to order the fish SPECIAL anyway (price be damned). The food was alright. Halibut and Snapper in a red sauce. Potatoes. Nothing I would recommend. The bill came and for ONE meal, it was nearly $30 freakin' dollars. For lunch. For just the meal, not the drinks or the tip. The waiters and waitresses weren't even that hot, which can sometimes be a bonus in an L.A. eatery. Fuck them and their overpriced Italian crap restaurant. If I could remember the name of the place, I would tell you. Warn you. I hate to think what a dinner would cost.
It doesn't end there. I recently paid $80 for a t-shirt and $150 for a pair of jeans. I suppose this is where the sympathy for me ends, right? No one forced me to buy these things and the price tag was there in all its stinging glory. The fact is, though, that these items are available for these outrageous prices. Furthermore, I am VERY sure that there are more expensive t-shirts and jeans out there if you are willing to shop at the stores to the stars. I remember when I thought that $35 was a lot to pay for jeans, but I was willing to do it because I would buy a pair every three or four years. Now, in L.A., I have more jeans than I care to admit. This is not a choice. Good jeans and t-shirts are like formal wear here and EVERYONE wears them. It's a requirement. I figure I could spend a couple hundred dollars on a nice suit elsewhere so the cost of the dressed-down L.A. jeans/t-shirt uniform doesn't seem so bad.
You would think the cost of seeing a movie would be low here but it's like going to Napa and expecting to find cheap wine; sure, you can find it but you're probably not going to be happy with the outcome. Since my favorite movie theaters recently closed down to be converted to the Arclight theaters (which charges $15 a seat), I have gone to the theaters at Universal Studios. A ticket goes for $11.50 but you have to add in $10 for parking (but they give you a rebate for $5) so the grand total is $16.50 to view a screening. That's a lot of moolah. It's no wonder people wait for the DVD and put it on their netflix queue. I recently saw Thirty Days of Night and wished I had done just that.
Other tickets are just as expensive. A recent trip to Disneyland set me back $66 and $10 for parking. That was JUST Disneyland and not the California Adventure. For $76 (which didn't include a dried out turkey sandwich for $8), I should have gotten a bathroom blow job by Cinderella herself. I have to admit the fireworks at the end of the night were pretty cool and they must pay all those happy people something for their time. And Disney had to buy back Pixar so I guess I see their point.
Should I stop complaining? Wait, I have one more thing. My rent. $1400 for a dark apartment in Studio City. Two bedroom so I guess it ain't that bad. But c'mon, my mortgage payment for my house in Las Vegas is $650. My bright, airy, tiled house with a backyard that I left last year costs me less than seven hundred dollars. $1400 could buy a lot of, I don't know, stuff. (How much is that iPhone again?) It's really difficult to write out that check each month.
And yet I stay here. Haha. They say it's only money. Easy come, easy go. Money is the root of all evil. Money can't buy happiness.
I guess I'm not desitute yet, so now is my time to shut the hell up.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
So, hmmm, let's see. I really did learn a few things on vacation and here they are.
- If you finally give up the fight and let a bar girl pour a shot down your throat, then you will have had at least six more dumped down your gullet before you know what happened. (And the $2 dollar shot has now become $20).
- If you participate in any games at an adult-only resort, then prepare to get naked or really drunk.
- Seeing fat, middle-aged topless women is still better than seeing mothers change their babys' diapers by the pool.
- Buying all-you-drink Hurricanes at Pat O'Brian's for $25 was a good idea at the time. The next morning, not so much.
- If you insult the Irish, you might get kicked in the fluffy.
- Seeing ChichenItza, the amazing ruins of the Mayans, was a great experience although I can't ever remember being in such hot weather (and I lived in Vegas for 12 years).
- Singing What a Feeling (the Flashdance song) for a karaoke contest after slamming down three Vodka/Redbulls and two shots of Tequila was an embarrassing disaster waiting to happen.
- A $350 Canon camera can be dropped on a stone floor in a bar and still work quite well.
- Tequila will pretty much make me do anything, including stripping down to my underwear and dry-humping a girl on stage.
- Cancun is really just an American city located in Mexico. They take American dollars, you can eat at Burger King, KFC or McDonalds and you can shop at Harley Davidson, Diesel, and the Hardrock cafe.
- There is nothing faster in Cancun than a bus going along the main drag at 1 am.
- Every price in the market is negotiable, but if you don't buy a product and they don't chase you down, then you've either pissed them off or your asking price is way too low.
- Offensive t-shirts are an underappreciated art-form. Diet Cock; only one big calorie. I'm shy but I have a big dick. This isn't a beer belly; it's a fuel tank for a sex machine.
- You are what people perceive you to be. Accept it. No matter how much it hurts.
- Falling asleep in the sun is a great feeling, as long as you have 45 spf lotion.
Hopefully I can go back sometime soon. I think there are more lessons to be learned!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
- Read the menu over and over. I try to memorize the prices and make a mental note to look up weird foodie terms like "fricassee" and "tartare".
- Stare at people. If they stare back, I pick another table, preferably with a baby. Or, if I'm in a particularly weird mood, I'll narrow my eyes to slits and pretend that something doesn't look right on someone's face. Staring at the waitstaff is no fun; they'll think I want something and then when I do, they'll ignore me.
- Bring a book and read it. This always seems so studious. If I wanted to look that way, I should just sneak a sandwich into a library.
- Pretend I'm thinking about something, anything. My mind is usually quite blank so this gets boring very quickly. I end up staring at a table next to me, even if it's empty.
- Eat. I suppose this is one option. But it's kinda like sitting on the toilet to take a shit.
- Snort cocaine. This never goes over very well. In L.A. everyone wants their share.
- Practice writing your name with your left hand backwards on the paper covering the table. This only goes over if you're in a pseudo-Italian restaurant with annoying opera singers.
- Call someone on my cell phone. This is frowned upon by the waitstaff as well as by other diners. I don't know why. It makes me feel important and social.
- Talk to myself. I suppose this is alright in this day and age. People tend to think you have a cell phone attached somewhere.
- Play solitaire on the cell phone. This is even more pathetic than eating alone. However, if I'm really tired and all of the above just ain't working, this may be the only option.
I'm planning on eating out tomorrow night by myself. I can't wait to try out some new ideas!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Veterinary medicine is so unpredictable.
Dusty nearly died after having blood taken for some routine tests. He has one eye, degenerating kidneys, a bad back, a heart murmur but I didn't expect him to meet his maker after drawing out some blood.
That just ain't right.
He is back to normal now. Normal for him, of course.
Thanks for asking.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
But he's tired of listening to my bitching after my long day at work. He walks away, like he's heard it all before. And he probably has. I tend to be repetitive when I'm venting and I guess fourteen year old Pekes have better things to do such as snorting, sneezing, falling asleep and barfing up food in hidden corners. Such is his sweet life.
So it's time to find a new audience. I've jumped on the bandwagon and started a blog. I can pour out my heart and soul into cyberspace. Vent my frustrations. Impart words of wisdom. Let you know, in some small way, what it's like to be in my world.
Oh who am I kidding? This blog is for me. It's cheap therapy. Or maybe it's just cheap.
I'll let you decide.