Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Lyrics for the Mindless

I've recently moved to North Hollywood--oh, I'm sorry, did I write North Hollywood? I meant to write NoHo which is the more gentrified version of North Hollywood allowing them to charge ridiculous rents for two bedroom apartments.

But I'm not really complaining. The building comes with a heated rooftop pool AND a jacuzzi. And an awesome gym. And because this area has a huge concentration of theaters, my building is full of wannabes who, at the very least, provide some good eye candy.

Unfortunately it also means that my commute to Sherman Oaks is longer. It now takes me 20 minutes to get to work as opposed to 5. I can no longer roll out of bed and get to work on time. It also means that I get to listen to Hispanic radio stations on my cruddy FM radio for longer than one song. Piolin por la manana. Por siempre!

Soooooo, the other day, I decided to switch from my thumping Mexican music and I came across a much more mellow station. The Wave or something like that. They were playing Lionel Ritchie and the song was "Say You Say Me" which I remembered from a pretty cool movie called "White Nights" starring Gregory Hines and Mikhail Baryshnikov. I've never really listened to the lyrics before but since there was nothing better to do except dodge LA traffic, I decided to play closer attention.

And I realized that this song has quite possibly the worst lyrics ever written. Really really bad. Even worse than the lyrics in the Elton John song which goes, "If I was a sculptor, but then again, no". How stupid is that? Make up your mind, for geezes sakes! Be a sculptor or not. Don't torture the rest of us.

Even more disappointing is the fact that "Say You Say Me" WON the Academy Award for Best Original Song. I'll admit it; the rhythm is a little catchy, especially at 7:15 in the morning, but this song did not deserve to win a damn thing even if the other nominees really sucked. They should have declared a "No winner" and then they should have beaten Lionel up in the back parking lot.

If you have any doubt about what I am saying, I have copied the lyrics so you can decide for yourself. The lyrics are italicised and my insightful but unsollicited comments are in green.

Say you, say me; say it for always
That's the way it should be

Okay, so far, I have no clue what this song is about.  The melody makes me think love song but the lyrics are making me think about a four-year old kid who is missing half his brain and has to be spoonfed in an institution where he will spend the rest of his life.  I'm freethinking here, okay? 

Say you, say me; say it together

This is just retarded.  I know that is very un-pc to say but I've had my coffee this morning and I'm not holding back.  What is this?  Kumbye-ya?  Let's all say it together now but let's say it naturally.  As opposed to unnaturally which I suppose would sound all robotic or garbled and shit. 

I had a dream I had an awesome dream

Now this is a little more interesting.  Lionel not only has a dream but it's an awesome one! 

But then we get this???

People in the park playing games in the dark

That's his dream?  People playing games in the dark?  WTF?  Can you aim a little higher, Mr. Ritchie? 

These lyrics must be drug induced.  There really is no other explanation.  Further proof; only a stoner or a coke head would rhyme "park" with "dark" and think that the sentence is brilliant

And what they played was a masquerade
And from behind of walls of doubt a voice was crying out

I don't even know how to comment on these lyrics.  You don't play a masquerade.  And now he's introducing "walls of doubt"?  There is definitely a darker edge to this song. 

Now it's back to the chorus.  Lovely. 

Say you, say me... (Chorus)

As we go down life's lonesome highway
Seems the hardest thing to do is to find a friend or two
A helping hand - Some one who understands
That when you feel you've lost your way
You've got some one there to say "I'll show you"

This verse isn't that bad.  It makes sense at least.  The coke cloud must be clearing a little. 

So you think you know the answers - Oh no
'Couse the whole world has got you dancing

You don't know the answers!  But hey, what does it matter when the whole world has got you dancing.  Dancing on the ceiling, that is! 

That's right - I'm telling you
It's time to start believing - Oh yes
Believing who you are: You are a shining star

Oh please.  This is what some creepy uncle says to his niece just before he has sex with her. 

Am I right?  I dare anyone to come up with worse lyrics!

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