If you haven't been able to catch all the hot new movies lately or you just don't want to shell out some hard earned cash to find out that the movie SUCKED (I'm talking about you, The Lovely Bones), then I have the solution for you.
Phil's abbreviated movie descriptions!
Why go to the movie for two hours when you can read a single sentence?
I make it easy for you because I know your time is valuable and you have better things to do like twittering and texting!
Okay, I'll admit it. I haven't seen ALL the latest movies. I just can't bring myself to see It's Complicated, Invictus or Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. I will reluctantly go see Crazy Heart in the near future and possibly The Blind Side. After all, it is Academy Award Season and I like to fill out my ballot with authority and conviction. It makes me feel like I'm an insider. Hehe.
So here is what you've been waiting for! The list. Beware there may be some SPOILERS in case you do want to catch the longer editions in a dark theater.
(500) DAYS OF SUMMER: The boy is an idiot and the girl is a cocktease and they don’t live happily ever after, at least not together. 2 and 1/2 stars out of 4.
THE HURT LOCKER: A guy with a death wish difuses a bomb in Iraq. And another. And another. And another … 3 stars out of 4.
A SINGLE MAN: A dapper college pr
ofessor can’t get over the death of his boyfriend and even skinny dipping with a student can’t cheer him up. 3 and 1/2 stars out of 4.
UP IN THE AIR: A depressing drama disguised as a comedy about a guy who fires people for a living and collects airmiles and wonders why he isn’t happy. 2 stars out of 4.
AVATAR: A handicapped soldier sympathizes with a civilization of blue people who can bring people back to life but have no idea how to fight a war. 3 stars out of 4.
THE LOVELY BONES: A little girl gets raped and killed and no one suspects the creepy neighbor because everyone in that time period has really horrific fashion sense. 1 star out of 4.
INGLORIOUS BASTARDS: A bunch of Nazi hunters beat, mutilate, shoot and burn the bad guys all in the name of good fun. 1 and 1/2 stars out of 4.
PRECIOUS: A poor, fat, ugly black chick gets abused by her family and when you think her life can’t get any worse, it does. 2 stars out of 4.
AN EDUCATION: Older man seduces a high school student and no one (even her family) suspects that he might just be a married man who likes to pop cherries for a living. 2 and 1/2 stars out of 4.