People that make me GAG!

It has been a tough week at work.  I was bitten, scratched and head-butted in the face by an exuberant puppy.

But I'm not here to complain.  I'm here to redirect my bitterness and let it fall upon my favorite subject to write about:  POP CULTURE and the people who inhabit this strange world. 

So for today's post, I wanted to write about the pop-people who make me want to vomit.  That physically make me sick.  I'm not saying that these people aren't talented but they have risen to the top like floating corpses and for whatever reason, I am fascinated with a decomposing body even if the stench does make me ill. 

Hmmmm.  Let's see.  First up, we have ...

THE KARDASHIANS

It has been well proven that if you’re hot and have lots of money (usually given to you by daddy), then you can be as famous as you want to be. Nobody believes this more than Kim Kardashian. She’s got a big ass booty, has shit loads of money and I swear that her true goal in life is to take over the world. I guess I would like her more if she did something that benefited society but all she seems to do is make herself look pretty and make drama out of no-drama situations. And to anyone who believes that her show is reality, then I have a big beautiful bridge in Brooklyn that I would like you to buy. Case in point; the producers of the Kardashian show called us because they were looking for a sick dog that needed surgery. We thought that was a little odd and declined their request. A couple of weeks later, there was a Kardashian episode where Kim just happened to find a little Chihuahua walking around an outside shopping area. She ended up taking it to a veterinarian (just down the street from us) and they diagnosed her with a pyometra—an infection in her uterus. Kim (God bless her overworked acting coaches) pretended that she couldn’t look after the dog (cue the tears) and had to give it up to a kind home. Oh please. That bitch (I mean the dog) was already owned and it was a complete setup. It shouldn’t come as any surprise; I hope that everyone agrees that almost all reality tv is far from reality.

As for the uglier sisters; I really have no comment except to say that you really can turn sows’ ears into silk purses. All it takes is a curvy sister who is willing to pave the way with a sextape and a Playboy spread.


THE PALINS

Oh geezes, where do I even begin. I can’t even tell you how much I hate this family without my blood boiling and vomit rising within my throat. Sarah Palin is without a doubt the dumbest person to come along in politics in a very short time (Bush, you can stand beside her for comparison purposes). All of her interviews are just unbelievably embarrassing and it is apparent that most third graders can put together sentences better than she can. But Sarah (that’s Barracuda Sarah to you and me. Oh wait, I think she now considers herself a grizzly mom. Grrrrr!) doesn’t just shut up—SHE KEEPS ON TALKING! ABOUT NOTHING! I’m going to give you an example of one of her speeches:

“I’m going to lower taxes … health care reform … Katie Couric is just a big meanie! … Of course I read newspapers. I read all of them. … Obama isn’t doing enough. … You betcha! … What me? A celebrity? … I know where animals belong. Right next to my potatoes …”

I think it’s clear that she will do whatever it takes to get up that totem pole. (Thanks to you McCain, she got a big leg up). It is damn frightening that there are plenty of people out there who support her. Have they even LISTENED to what she is saying? She reminds of a hellfire and brimstone preacher—all flash but no substance. Or maybe her popularity boils down to the observation from one blogger that stupid men want to fuck her and weak women want to be her. Can she just go away? Please?

And if saucy Sarah weren't enough, she has also unloaded her demon spawn upon the world in the form of a chunky teenager called Bristol. Talk about the acorn not falling far from the oak tree. Bristol has already learned the fine art of hypocrisy from her mother; she can’t marry Levi because he is “obsessed with Hollywood” and no less than a month later, she has signed up for Dancing With The Stars? WTF???!!! Someone should teach this girl what the expression “pot calling the kettle black” means. And I, for one, wants to know what ‘star” she is going to be dancing with because anyone who considers a knocked up 19 year old from the Alaskan sticks a “star” really needs to get a better dictionary. Bristol, I hope you find time out of your busy schedule to do more “abstinence” speeches and lecture kids about the freedom to chose when abstinence doesn’t work. Oh wait, you didn’t choose to keep your baby. You HAD to. Thank God it wasn’t a retard. (I said that sarcastically so it’s okay.)

God, I really hope Margaret Cho beats Bristol to a bloody pulp with a big dildo. Now, THAT I would pay to watch.


KATE GOSSELIN

I feel a little guilty for picking on Kate. She did produce a nice litter of kids and maybe deep down inside her ambitious soul, she does love them at least a little bit but Jesus, Mary and Joseph, this mama loves the spotlight more. And for that, I simply can’t forgive her.

I’m not sure how TLC can even get away with airing this show. After all, what exactly are we learning? How to make a lot of money by raising a big family and airing all the laundry on national tv? I don’t know how this cable show cannot be called exploitive; the kids aren’t old enough to give their permission to be filmed every freakin’ bloody day and so we leave it up to the starstruck mother? I suppose it’s the American way. In third world countries, they exploit their children by making them work in sweatshops but in the grand ol’ US of A, we put them on “reality” shows that document every boring detail of their little lives. I hope one day the bunch of them get together and sue the designer jeans off their mother. My advice to you Kate (are you listening?) is look after your family and give them as much love as your thin heart can give. Get rid of the cameras. Go back to being a real mother. I’m sure they’ll still invite you to the Emmy’s.


RYAN SEACREST

The biggest reason why I detest this guy is because, as the producer of the Kardashian show, he unleashed the unholy family upon the television viewing public. The other reason is because the guy is as superficial and phony as a wax statue. In fact, I’m almost convinced that he IS a well oiled animatronic wax statue. When I was in Vegas touring Madame Tussuad's Wax Museum, I came across a statue of Ryan and it was incredibly similar to what I have seen on stage. For all I know, it may have been THE Ryan Seacrest standing right there. The guy is so busy it is quite possible that at least part of his time is spent in a museum advertising himself—which is an activity that he clearly loves to do. There have been rumors that he might take over the Larry King show. This would be like Paris Hilton taking over the Oprah show. Yes, there would be lots of talk about celebrities and white fluffy dogs and shopping and icky boyfriends but anything beyond that would require a lot of awkward coaching through the earpiece. Spare us the second hand questions and please don’t allow Ryan to do this to us. He may be good at bulking up the egos of wannabe singers but don’t expect us to buy his candycoated worldview.

Runner ups: Jesse James and Kat Von D (ick!), Dr. Phil (arrogant and insincere), The Situation (need I say more?), Lindsay Lohan (time to go away so we can appreciate your come-back), Dr. Drew (exploitive and insincere), Kanye West (colossal ego and ignorant) and Elin Nordegren (you got what you deserved and please don’t tell me it was hell because you have NO idea what hell really is).

Dead Aid by Dambisa Moyo

I just finished this book and it has given me an entirely new perspective on the aid given to third world countries.

In very easy to understand language (even for idiots like me who never took an economics class in their life), Dambisa outlines how the mega-donations from the Western World have not only failed many economies in Africa but in fact, made them a lot worse.  It's fascinating stuff because even though many of her examples are counterintuitive, they all make a great deal of sense.

Her hope is that the flow of aid trickles to a stop in the coming years and she details a plan for Africa that will help ease the transition away from this monetary dependence.

This book is highly recommended for anyone who wants to learn more about the strange dynamics between the first and third worlds.  My hope is that Ms. Moyo's words spread and without a doubt, their power will change the lives of millions. 

I apologize for this post

I normally try to stay away from "work stuff" on this blog but for this, I'll make an exception. 

A small dog came into the clinic after it had been vomiting for 24 hours.  I hospitalized it and after another 24 hours, it passed this ...

Yep, it's a woman's thong underwear.  I am truly amazed that the dog passed it without surgery.  It went from the mouth and came out the ass end and made the poor little doggie quite ill.  But he seemed remarkably better after it came out. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! 

Unfortunately, dogs don't learn from their mistakes.  I'm hoping the humans will.   

Vegas at night

Vegas is a fun city to explore during the day but by night, it's magical.

On my recent visit, I took a variety of pictures during a walk down the famed strip.  It was very crowded, even in the middle of August, with temperatures soaring above the 100 degree mark.   For the first time, I noticed that there were as many water vendors as stripper vendors.

Oh, I'm sorry, they aren't strippers.  They are "adult entertainers".  This is Clark county after all.  If you want the really tawdry stuff, you have to go next door to Nye county. 

Up first, we have the addition to Caesar's palace.  I'm not a big fan of this part of the Caesar's empire.  I find the shops far too upscale for my beer budget.  The architecture, however, is stunning. 

And right next door is the Venetian.  There have been some casino disappointments in my mind--Bellagio, Luxor, Excalibur and the Treasure Island--but the Venetian is truly beautiful inside and out. 

You can take a gondola ride and have the rower sing to you.  It's a little cheesy but I must admit there is a certain appeal, especially at night.   

Inside the Venetian, there is a Madame Tussuad's.  If you've never been to a Madame Tussuad's, it's actually a lot of fun.  They have life size wax replicas of celebrities and you can pretend as if if you are hobnobbing with your favorite A-lister. 

Sometimes they get the likeness perfect.  Other times, it's a serious miss.  Here is Harrison Ford.  If I were him, I would demand a re-do.  He just doesn't look right. 

And it looks as if he's doing a little pocket pool.  Tsk.  Tsk. 

Whoopi is much better.  I'm not sure why she is posed with her hand outstretched like that but I'll go with it. 

And that's me beside her. 

Ebony and Ivory.  Living in perfect harmony. 

Many years ago, there wasn't much free entertainment in Vegas.  I remember you could take a picture of yourself in front of a million bucks at Binion's.  And there were also the moving statues in Caesar's palace. 

Then came the Treasure Island with the ship battle and the Mirage with the exploding volcano. 

The ship battle still goes on (but I think it's now called the Sirens of TI) and the volcano explodes nightly.  Both are worth a visit.  Both are worth what you pay for them. 

Kid looking out a window at Caesar's.  Isn't it past your curfew??

And a fountain at Caesar's.  I'm not sure why more people don't jump in and cool off. 

Remember that fountain scene in La Dolce Vita?  I've never seen anyone recreate it but this is Vegas after all.  I'm sure some people have tried. 

This photo is just a happy accident.  There is excellent people watching in Vegas.  Everyone comes here eventually so there's a never ending parade to view.   

The atrium at the Bellagio.  This is an amazing place, perhaps one of my favorite places to visit in Vegas.  I just wished they had made it BIGGER.  Sometimes it just seems small. 

This time, they had a gardening theme going on. 

I felt like a little bug. 

And looking across from the Bellagio, there is a magnificent view of the Eiffel Tower reflected in the Bellagio lake. 

And if you come to Vegas, you HAVE to see the dancing fountains at the Bellagio.  It's a FREE spectacle and they rotate the music every hour.  I'm not a big fan of the Bellagio but they did a great job with the fountains. 

It's all very romantic, especially if you're drunk and just won some money on the slots. 

Vegas.  Come visit soon.  They need the money and the water is about to dry up!

I'm in Vegas!

Enjoying some of the sights!


 Girls want to meet me!  Yahoo!!! 
-- Posted from my iPhone

Location:Las Vegas Blvd S,Las Vegas,United States

Lunch in Malibu

Even though I live in Southern California, I sometimes forget that I have the opportunity to dine in overpriced restaurants that overlook the Pacific Ocean.

This past Thursday, it was a beautiful summer's day so I drove down to Malibu to see what I could find and drain my wallet of some well earned dollars.  I figured that I deserved some summer fun after the hell week at work. 

I had read about The Beachcomber Cafe in a local magazine so that's where I stopped.  It's a relatively small restaurant that sits right on the Malibu pier.  Apparently it's the new heart of Malibu.  Yahoo! 

If you're going, be prepared to do valet parking for $6 and have cash.  If you want to do some beach exploring and not eat at the restaurant, then the same parking spot will cost you $14. Those prices are fairly standard in LA.  Not too much of a surprise there. 

The view was really great.  Malibu is postcard perfect and the restaurant definitely didn't disappoint with the ambiance. 

Cheers!  Here's to the summer!  Get it while it lasts!

The menu was a lot of American fare.  I ordered a Kobe beef hamburger to the tune of $15. 

While it may look so-so in the picture (and they were a little stingy with the lackluster fries), the burger itself was pretty freakin' amazing.  Juicy, tasty and very filling.  I gave it an A+.  Yum. 

For two people, the bill came out to nearly $70 which included two drinks, an appetizer, two burgers and well, that's about it.  That's a lot of moolah for lunch but the view and the burger made the bill a little less painful. 

I definitely recommend the cafe.  I hope to be back sometime for some sunset drinks. 

Of course, I wasn't in a hurry to leave.  I had to take a picture of the scenery ... 

and some colorful kayaks ...

and an expensive car.  This is Malibu.  This is where you feel poor if you're middle class. 

And Friday it was back to work.  

Essential time wasting ideas

Anyone who has ever written anything knows that 20% of the time is spent writing, 50% of the time is spent coming up with something important enough to say and and the last 30% of the time is spent on other stuff. 

This other stuff  isn't wasted energy.  In fact, I consider it down time for my conscious mind while my subconscious mind is quietly working to come up with something brilliant when I start typing again.  It's not a perfect system; there is no way to know that my subconscious is in fact working and quite frankly, I'm a little suspicious that it takes a lot of time off too.  But that's the way I work. 

So here is the other stuff that I do when I'm not at my desk staring at the computer screen until my eyeballs bleed:

• Check email to see if I have new spam from TripAdvisor

• Bite fingernails

• Check out http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

• Watch Charlie Bit My Finger on YouTube. Again

• See what other photos have posted to the National Geographic Photo competition.  World in Focus

• Cat naps

• Hug geriatric Pekingese

• Try to win a chance to see Nancy Grace Win a chance to see Nancy Grace!

• Worry about work

• Develop another get-rich-quick-scheme

• Buy a new iPhone ap

• Plan next vacation

• Try to get Saturday Night Live Tickets for the 2010-2011 season  www.nbc.com/tickets/

• Think about lunch and when lunch is over, think about dinner

• Check out the latest disaster on CNN.com

• Struggle with buying the iPhone 4. Should I or shouldn’t I?

• Think of new topics for my blogs

• Go to Starbucks and people watch

• Watch the cat next door

• Listen to the loud music blaring from my neighbor's apartment and wish that they would die in a fiery hell

• Drink tea

• Add to my Netflix queue

• Learn phrases in Khmer (language of Cambodia)

• Learn phrases in Korean

• Read Entertainment Weekly (usually in the bathroom)

• Stretch. Try to touch my toes

• Bid for useless item on eBay

• See what is in the fridge

• TV

• See who is in rehab on TMZ.com

• Call mom and dad

• Scribble down random thoughts that might be useful later

• Google my name. See what other Phil Caldwells are doing

• Come up with reasons why I should cancel my Facebook account

• and Dream as if it is all going to happen someday

Now you know why I never get any writing done!!