Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A new iPhone on the way!

If you haven't heard, Apple is about to give birth to its newest baby. 

The iPhone 4!

I didn't used to be a tech geek but I am very excited about this sleek little instrument o' fun and when I heard that you can PRE-ORDER, I nearly crapped in my pants. 

Yes, I know I shouldn't get all sticky about a PHONE but you obviously have not heard what the new iPhone can do. 

Here is just a small list: 
  • does laundry and cooks simple but healthy meals AT THE SAME TIME
  • holds your hair back when you vomit in the toilet
  • erases cellulite, shrinks pores and firms thighs
  • orders pizza for your neighbors and then runs away
  • does the watusi
  • puts up paintings from relatives when they come to visit
  • blames any gaseous emissions on the dog (and if there is no dog, then grandpa)
  • designs a public profile for JDate.com
  • takes one for the team
  • fights for minority rights and eats dophin-safe tuna
  • helps little old ladies cross the street
  • pays for the beer on wing night
  • turns off the iron when you go on vacation
  • tickles Elmo
  • finds out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
  • reduces the California debt by smoking medical marijuana
  • knows the difference between shit and shinola
  • supports girl guides and their cookie racket
  • lives to see another day
  • reuses and recycles
  • won't give up till the fat lady sings
  • promotes world peace and the B'Nai B'rith organization
  • tips 20%
  • flashes single women in Central Park
  • takes at least $100 out of your bank account every month
Yeah, I know.  The last one is a little worrisome but look at the other CRAP that this phone can do.  It's freakin' AMAZING. 

I can't wait to get one.  How much does it cost?  Oh heck, does it even MATTER? 


Dear iPhone

I wish I could quit you. 


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